Results of Melbourne Mini

The results of Melbourne Mini, the British Parliamentary tournament which was held at the University of Melbourne on December 5-7:

Winners: Victor Finkel and Ravi Dutta (Monash)

Runners up: Julia Fetherston and Tim Mooney (Sydney), Julia Bowes and Steve Hind (Sydney), and Evan Goldman and Lauren Humphrey (Queensland)

Semi-finallists: Amit Golder and Fiona Prowse (Monash), Kiran Iyer and Sashi Balaraman (Monash), Steph Paton and Emily Heath (Sydney), and Tom Chapman and Nita Rao (Monash)

Top 10 speakers:
1. Amit Golder (Monash)
2. Tim Mooney (Sydney)
2. Julia Fetherston (Sydney)
4. Fiona Prowse (Monash)
5. Julia Bowes (Sydney)
6. Steve Hind (Sydney)
6. Lauren Humphrey (Queensland)
6. Victor Finkel (Monash)
9. Sashi Balaraman (Monash)
10. Tom Chapman (Monash)

Best Novice speaker (joint): James Wilson (Melbourne) and Jonathan Benney (Melbourne)

Chief Adjudicators: Elizabeth Sheargold and Tim Jeffrie

Topics:
Round one: That this house would establish DNA databases of all citizens for the purposes of criminal investigations. (Dedicated to Lindy Chamberlain)
Round two: That this house believes that governments should set a maximum wage. (Dedicated to Warren “I saw the financial crisis coming which is why I am smarter and richer than you” Buffet)
Round three: That this house would end affirmative action for African-Americans. (Dedicated to Barack Obama)
Round four: That this house would allow corporations to hire mercenaries to protect their shipments from pirates (Dedicated to Johnny Depp)
Round five: That this house would ban gender discrimination within religions. (Dedicated to Sheikh Fehmi Naji el-Imam)
Round six: That this house would support the launching of foreign strikes on terrorists in Pakistan. (Approx.)
Semi-finals: That this house would deny foreign aid to countries with space programs. (Dedicated to Albert II, the first monkey in space)
Grand final: That this house would legalise all forms of sadomasochistic sex. (Dedicated to Josef Fritzl)